Mom of 4 'Shamed' After She Reveals Reason She Requested to Rematch with New Au Pair (Exclusive)

Jordan GreeneTue, March 24, 2026 at 5:17 PM UTC

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Cat Abrams filming a TikTok videoCredit: Cat Abrams -

Cat Abrams, a mom of four who lives in Cincinnati, Ohio, shared a video on social media about deciding to “rematch” with her family’s au pair

After posting, the video went viral with strong reactions from viewers

Speaking to PEOPLE, Abrams opened up about how she's been handling the backlash

Cat Abrams thought hiring an au pair would help bring stability to her growing family. Instead, the experience sparked a viral debate online.

The 41-year-old mom of four, who lives in Cincinnati, Ohio, recently shared a video on social media about deciding to “rematch” with her family’s au pair — a standard part of the program when the arrangement isn’t working out.

But after the clip gained traction, Abrams says she was surprised by the strong reactions from viewers, many of whom criticized her for both hiring help and deciding to end the placement.

“We have four kids and no family that is able to help with our kids — at all, even in an emergency,” Abrams, who goes by @motherhood_a_saga on TikTok, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “My husband works long hours at a very demanding job, and we delivered our fourth baby in November.”

Before bringing in an au pair, Abrams says the family relied on a professional nanny for support. But when the nanny became unreliable as Abrams prepared to give birth to her fourth child last fall, she thought hiring an au pair would provide more stability at home.

She says the goal wasn’t to replace the nanny, but to add another source of childcare while also giving their children the chance to have a cultural experience with someone they hoped would feel like part of the family. But after the au pair arrived, Abrams says it didn’t take long to realize the arrangement wasn’t the right fit for either of them.

“She had previously lived with a host family that had four kids, but their ages were very different from ours,” Abrams explains. “Our house is busy and loud, and I think it was overwhelming for her."

"From my perspective, I also realized she didn’t have some of the skills I assumed she had," the mom adds.

Abrams says she initially believed the issues could be worked through, but her concerns grew after several weeks of training and adjustment. Eventually, she says, she decided to end the placement and look for a new match.

When Abrams later mentioned the situation in a short video online, she didn’t expect it to reach such a large audience — or spark such strong opinions.

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“I was shocked by the interest people took in the video, but even more shocked by the negativity in the comments,” she says. “I was shamed from every possible angle — for hiring an au pair, for needing help and for deciding to rematch. The assumptions people made about my life from a two-minute video couldn’t have been further from reality.”

Despite the criticism, Abrams says she and the au pair still have a positive relationship and agreed that rematching is the best decision.

“She’s a kind and wonderful person — just not the person best suited to care for my children,” Abrams says. “We talked openly about everything, and we both understand each other’s perspective better now. She even said she would have done the same thing if she were me.”

The family has since matched with a new au pair while continuing to help the current one search for another placement.

“We want her to find a situation where she feels comfortable,” Abrams says. “This type of relationship requires communication, flexibility, patience and respect on both sides.”

Abrams says the experience also opened her eyes to how quickly mothers are judged online — especially when they talk about needing help.

“I was shamed for needing help, shamed for the type of help I was getting and shamed for our lifestyle,” she says. “As a woman in my 40s, I can handle that. But a younger version of me might not have been able to.”

Now, she hopes sharing her story encourages other parents to be more supportive of one another.

“It’s okay to need help,” she says. “Help makes us better moms. Motherhood is difficult and all-encompassing, and women should encourage each other instead of competing over whose life is harder. I don’t want my daughters to grow up feeling ashamed to ask for help when they need it.”

on People

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Source: “AOL Entertainment”