PA dad with $1M in savings wants to charge his 19-year-old college dropout daughter $150 in rent — why the Ramsey Show agrees, says 'let the kid fail'
- - PA dad with $1M in savings wants to charge his 19-year-old college dropout daughter $150 in rent — why the Ramsey Show agrees, says 'let the kid fail'
Jessica WongNovember 3, 2025 at 1:30 AM
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Dave Ramsey and cohost Ken Coleman offer advice to Ramsey Show listener.
Tim from Pennsylvania recently wrote into The Ramsey Show with a parenting dilemma that may hit close to home for many others. (1)
His 19-year-old daughter flunked her first year of college, can’t seem to land a job and brings a “bad attitude” to every interview. He said whatever money she has left is vanishing fast on takeout and phone app subscriptions.
Tim and his wife are both successful, sitting on about a million in retirement savings and deep into Ramsey’s “Baby Step 6” and they’re flabbergasted at their daughter’s lack of motivation.
Starting next month, they’re asking her to pay $150 in rent, putting all of it into a college fund in case she decides to go back to school. Their daughter says it’s unfair since she doesn’t have a job. They countered: this is adulthood, the bills don’t stop when you’re broke.
It’s a relatable standoff that sums up a much bigger issue: the rise of so-called boomerang kids and the tricky balance between helping your grown child launch and holding them accountable.
It’s part parenting, part economics, and a lesson in tough love.
Failure to launch, a national problem
In a situation like Tim’s, the stakes are emotional, but they’re financial, too.
If their daughter stays home indefinitely without a job or school plan, Mom and Dad could accidentally turn a short pit stop into a long-term layover. Free room and board might feel like support, but it can drain a young adult’s drive to find work or rebuild after failure.
And even for parents who can afford it, housing an adult child isn’t cost-free. The costs of having an extra body in the house can chip away at retirement goals or lifestyle plans they’ve worked decades to earn.
Tim’s situation isn’t unique, many American families are finding that their grown kids are either not leaving or are coming back home.
According to a recent Thrivent report, “boomerang kids” continue to pack up and move back in with Mom and Dad after striking out on their own in part because of economic factors like housing affordability, growing student loan debt and stagnant wages (with 38% of boomerang parents saying it’s impacted their own long-term financial goals). (2) It all adds up to hitting pause on adulthood.
According to the Pew Research Center, about 18% of U.S. adults aged 25 to 34 were living with their parents in 2023. (3) The National Association of Home Builders puts the number even higher, at around 19.1%, which translates to about 8.5 million young adults living at home or with in-laws.
At the same time, many parents are starting to rethink the rent-free arrangement. A Newsweek poll found that nearly two-thirds of Americans believe adult children should pay rent, whether the parents need the money or not.
According to Dave Ramsey, it’s not just about the current generation.
“This is not a generational thing. This is a parenting thing,” he said.
“Every generation has had people that acted like this, and every generation has had productive people.”
In other words, it boils down to tough love and nudging grown children from co-living to launching out on their own.
How to help your kid help themselves
Are you and your family in a similar situation? Here are some strategies on how to turn ‘failure to launch’ into ‘ready for takeoff.’
Rebrand the rent
You can call it rent, or you can rebrand it as a launch fund. That monthly payment isn’t punishment; it’s skin in the game. Whatever the amount is that makes sense for your family, you can position it to your child as an investment in their future, not a penalty of living under your roof.
In this case, Tim can let his daughter know that she can access her money that he’s stashed when she re-enroll in school, or lose it if she doesn’t.
Make ‘living at home’ a privilege
Living rent-free should be a temporary runway and not a permanent lifestyle, so you’ll want to set clear expectations. Here are some examples:
Apply to a set minimum number of jobs each week and share updates.
Join a job-search workshop, career centre or networking group.
Contribute by doing chores, errands, cooking and cleaning.
Revisit the situation every few weeks, and raise the stakes if there’s no progress.
Let the kid fail
As cohost Ken Coleman put it, “She’s never had to finish dealing with failure.”
Failure can be a good teacher. If your kid bombs an interview or gets ghosted by an employer, resist the urge to swoop in. The sting of a bad attitude hitting a brick wall can do more good than a dozen lectures.
“Let the kid fail,” Coleman advised.
Protect your future
Even if you’re sitting on solid retirement savings, the long-term costs of having an adult child at home add up. Whether it’s extra groceries, utilities, gas money or even emotional bandwidth, having them at home too long can push back your own goals, from paying off the mortgage to taking that bucket-list trip. Experts at Fidelity agree: a parent’s support should never risk their retirement security. (6)
Establish clear next steps
If your child is thinking about going back to college, spell out the terms, as Fidelity suggests, which could include: pass your courses, keep a minimum GPA and choose a program you actually care about. If school isn’t the move, encourage them to explore other options like apprenticeships, internships or a job that simply pays the bills.
Have a deadline
Agree on a move-out target, like six months after full-time employment or when they’ve saved a set amount. If they’re stalling, consider pushing the rent to market rate or having other consequences that make sense for your family.
The key is consistency, clear communication and if you have a spouse, “be in lockstep” and "unified in your approach,” said Ramsey.
While some of this boomeranging is driven by high housing costs and student debt, too much 'financial cushioning' can backfire, like in Tim’s situation. In other words, helping your kid grow up doesn’t mean always making life cushy.
“We’re going to create problems for you,” Ramsey explained. “And you’re not going to like me for a while. But you I love you. And I’ll always make you a plate of food. But I’m going to create some problems for you.”
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); Thrivent (2); Pew Research Center (3); National Association of Home Builders (4); Newsweek (5); Fidelity (6)
This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: PA dad has $1M in savings but wants to charge college dropout daughter rent — why Ramsey Show agrees, 'let the kid fail'
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
Source: “AOL Money”
